Destiny is a pretty weird thing. In some situations I cannot help but believe that there is someone else controling the way things happen. Like when something happens and you don´t know exactly why it had happened but in the future you realize that without that very moment, your life would´ve been completely different. It gives me a feeling that there is a plan, a plan that was architectured for my life way before I was even born.

Sometimes things happen and they seem so senseless, so absurdly random, that I question this "higher power" thing. But then again, way in the future, I realize those things were essencial to make me who I am now. I often wonder what would have happened if this or that thing happened in a different way and I wonder what kind of person I´d be. There´s not much of a point in doing that, because I can´t turn back time. I have to move forward.

Even though there are situations in which I feel I have absolutely no control over anything, there are other situations when I can feel I am in control, that I know I have choices. I can clearly see my options and what might happen if I choose one way or the other. We just have to be able to tell the difference: when it´s time to take control and when things are way over our judgement or actions, when it´s time to let things happen the way they are supposed to.

ops. havent been here in ages. so, yeah.

I´m at twitter. I´m at facebook. I´m at orkut. I´m at 3 different blogs. I´m at communites.com . I´m at livejournal. Oh and I´m at myspace.

At the same time, I´m absolutely nowhere. I don´t have the patience or the time to juggle all of these. Orkut is for the brazilian friends. Facebook is because I was invited and I just can´t say no. Same with myspace. And livejournal. And communities. Twitter is just because everyone´s doing it. And the blogs ... (well one blog actually, ´cause I dont even remember the addy to the others) with them, I just hoped I could say something and people could be interested and I would maybe have a place where I could say things and get my thoughts in order...or a place where I could just show off. I don´t know.

My point is, I don´t fell I´m really online as I was before. I don´t feel that connection anymore. I really wish I did though. I wish I was a born blogger. Maybe I am, I don´t have time for it at the moment. I recently went back to watching animes again. Maybe it was a step back but oh I just love it. And all in Japanese with subtitles, no more crappy dubbed on stuff. And I´m reading a lot, and learning German and working as hard as I can. But I miss friends who like the same stuff I do.

Last year ended with me taking our computer to mom´s house, so she could talk to me and my sister on skype. This year started out with me buying this cute new notebook. And I waited and waited until it was here and I didnt have time to look at the damn thing because of work and studies and all. So when I finally had time for it,it started acting up. First the webcam, then the dvd player. They were both replaced. Then the webcam again and again and again and, finally, the mother board, which was also replaced ... it totally took the fun out of having a notebook. So I kinda sued the company for a new one and it should be getting here next month. It feels good to get some justice out of it in the end.

Nothing´s been happening in my life lately. It sucks, it´s so stuck and dull and argh, I don´t know what to do. Work´s been stressfull and seems so pointless sometimes ... but then, if I didnt have work, I´d have nothing at all, no social contact, no point. Its almost the middle of the damn year, and I´m turning 27 soon and I´m ... single. I feel like the only single 26 year old around. And I fell I´m getting more and more uninteresting as time passes, out of place and just not able to relate to people anymore. Bah.

Oh yuck, don´t you just hate having a memory? I have a terribly good memory and I keep remembering things I don´t want to. I keep digging into the past yuck yuck yuck, I must leave the past alone. I must.